The Inevitable Quest...

A place for me to be me...while searching for who I want to be

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


It's been a LONG time...too long. I haven't written for mainly 2 reasons. 1. I've been so busy at's not even funny. The last thing I want to do when I get home is get back on the computer. 2. I'm sad. I don't like to write sad and depressing things all the time...but I think that's about what it would be lately.

My dad hasn't been feeling well. Since he's been in Nashville he's gone to the doctor 3 times. He's been here less than 2 months. And he's in the midst of a bunch of tests...with no results...yet.

Yesterday I watched a dear friend bury her mother. I can't even describe how sad that made me to watch my friend grieve. But she did it with beauty and grace. I couldn't have been as strong as her. It breaks my heart that her mom won't be around to meet her children one day.

Steve's family has had drama. My brother-in-law seperated from his wife of 13 or so years. They have 3 children...ages 12, 11 & 7. I don't understand it. It makes me so sad for the children, and for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. On top of that, my brother-in-law has had 3 seizures in the past 2 weeks.

Then yesterday, my 12 year old nephew had a seizure. It's the first he has ever had. Worse than that, his 7 year old sister witnessed the whole thing. The two of them were at the babysitters. The babysitter called 911 and had to stay with my 7 year old my 12 year old nephew had to go in the ambulance alone, while his mom, dad and grandma waited for him to arrive at the hospital.

I just feel like there's this cloud hanging over my head. I'm just sad. Sad to the core. I hate being sad. And it makes me scared. I want to find out what's wrong with my dad. I don't want to lose him. Not yet. And I'm trying to trust in God, I just wish he would take this fear away.

On 2 brighter notes...I got a new pack of my favorite ultra fine colored sharpies. 29 different colors...bliss! At least I am finding joy in the small things! And Steve knows how stressed out I he surprised me by booking a log cabin in Gatlinburg for Labor Day Weekend. He is way too good to me. I don't know what I did to deserve him!

I'm really going to try and write more. I miss my blogging friends. And I feel like a bad friend because I haven't kept up with everyone. I'm going to try and get caught up on everyone. I miss you all!
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