The Inevitable Quest...

A place for me to be me...while searching for who I want to be

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


It's been a LONG time...too long. I haven't written for mainly 2 reasons. 1. I've been so busy at's not even funny. The last thing I want to do when I get home is get back on the computer. 2. I'm sad. I don't like to write sad and depressing things all the time...but I think that's about what it would be lately.

My dad hasn't been feeling well. Since he's been in Nashville he's gone to the doctor 3 times. He's been here less than 2 months. And he's in the midst of a bunch of tests...with no results...yet.

Yesterday I watched a dear friend bury her mother. I can't even describe how sad that made me to watch my friend grieve. But she did it with beauty and grace. I couldn't have been as strong as her. It breaks my heart that her mom won't be around to meet her children one day.

Steve's family has had drama. My brother-in-law seperated from his wife of 13 or so years. They have 3 children...ages 12, 11 & 7. I don't understand it. It makes me so sad for the children, and for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. On top of that, my brother-in-law has had 3 seizures in the past 2 weeks.

Then yesterday, my 12 year old nephew had a seizure. It's the first he has ever had. Worse than that, his 7 year old sister witnessed the whole thing. The two of them were at the babysitters. The babysitter called 911 and had to stay with my 7 year old my 12 year old nephew had to go in the ambulance alone, while his mom, dad and grandma waited for him to arrive at the hospital.

I just feel like there's this cloud hanging over my head. I'm just sad. Sad to the core. I hate being sad. And it makes me scared. I want to find out what's wrong with my dad. I don't want to lose him. Not yet. And I'm trying to trust in God, I just wish he would take this fear away.

On 2 brighter notes...I got a new pack of my favorite ultra fine colored sharpies. 29 different colors...bliss! At least I am finding joy in the small things! And Steve knows how stressed out I he surprised me by booking a log cabin in Gatlinburg for Labor Day Weekend. He is way too good to me. I don't know what I did to deserve him!

I'm really going to try and write more. I miss my blogging friends. And I feel like a bad friend because I haven't kept up with everyone. I'm going to try and get caught up on everyone. I miss you all!


  • At Tuesday, August 08, 2006 7:42:00 PM, Blogger mommy zabs said…

    oh aj. i'm so sorry you are going through these things. and i'm so sorry for your friend who lost her mom. it's not easy. i will be praying for your dad. please keep us in the loop. i will pray for your extended famliy tonight too. i am kinda in the same boat. i'm posting either silly stuff, facts, and so on... trying to avoid my negative stuff.... cause there is just too many crazy not so good things going on. love you. i'm glad steve got you a cabin. good husband :)

  • At Thursday, August 10, 2006 5:42:00 AM, Blogger sarawithani said…

    Oh friend, parts of your story sound so much like mine that it's not even funny (I'm sure I'll be writing about it one of these days). I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It stinks to have to go through that, but at least he is in TN and you can spend some time with him and be there for your mom. I'll be praying for you! Mad props to Steve! Enjoy your weekend away! :)

  • At Friday, August 25, 2006 5:58:00 PM, Blogger marcia said…

    I'm sorry AJ. :(
    There must be something in the air, we're all going through all this junk right now. :( Thanks for letting us know so we can say a prayer for you and your fam.

    love ya!

  • At Saturday, August 26, 2006 11:30:00 AM, Blogger lulu said…

    so very sad. man, everyone is struggling these days, and it's just very sad. i know it sounds cliche, but God knows our hearts and wants to be our comfort. i hope you get the answers you desire, and i hope things begin to look up again.


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