The Inevitable Quest...

A place for me to be me...while searching for who I want to be

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Dressing up makes me feel better.

I love clothes. I love fashion. The only magazine I subscribe to is Lucky. It’s like a monthly shoppers guide with great ideas and lots of AMAZING clothes, 95% of which I can’t afford, but I can dream. That’s my hang up. I can’t justify spending large amounts of money on clothes. As my mom would say it best “You have wine taste on a beer budget”. But I feel like I can still dress great and feel good without spending all the money. I love stores like H&M, Nordstrom Rack, Zara, Ross, TJ Maxx & Marshalls. But at all of those stores (with the exception of H&M and Zara) you have to be in the mood to find a bargain. Because you have to dig. And most the time I don’t mind. Steve hates this type of shopping most of the time. But lately he has found some good deals, and can appreciate the bargain hunt. Even though he doesn’t really have the patience for it. And if the normal fashionista saw me, I’m sure they would frown at my outfits, and my lack of Versace or Manolo Blahnik’s. Anyways, I am starting to lose my original train of thought of why I wanted to blog on this topic. I don’t know what it is, but when I feel like I look good, it puts me in an instant good mood. Yesterday and today I have “dressed up” for work. Heels/skirts/blazers/etc. And I feel happy. I don’t know why that is. But I’m not complaining. I guess I just realized how good I feel, if I feel like I look good. And that’s probably vain, but at this point…I don’t really care. It’s like prozac without having to take the pill. Even though yesterday at the end of the day, I felt like my feet were going to fall off, I still managed to put on heels again today. Luckily this pair is much more comfortable. But it’s even worth the pain. Which again…I find bizarre. But I guess that’s just me and a new quirk I have learned. Yesterday I wanted to get lost in my bed and not wake up. I felt emotionally unstable. But I know that is the worst thing that you can do…just stay in bed avoiding the world. So I got up and made myself run as usual. Except yesterday running felt like a chore. Which that RARELY happens. But I was so glad I still did. And I dressed up. And I felt better. Although if anyone could have video footage of me trying to get ready they would have realized exactly the wreck that I am. Steve had to come home to a pile of shoes and clothes just lying in the closet. I NEVER DO THIS. But I think I put on 4 outfits before I found something I felt good in. So I guess this is my new secret that I am letting out of the bag. When I dress up, it’s usually to cover up feeling really crummy inside. You would think it would be the other way around. No one is going to ask me if everything is alright if I look like I am put together. But I actually prefer it that way. Funny…the days I am feeling most secure and confident are probably the days that I am most “dressed down”. That’s pretty out of wack! But hey…that’s my life…and I am growing to like my quirks. I have come to laugh at myself…and find actual enjoyment in it. Here are the days of embracing my flaws. Maybe this strategy will work. I’ll let you know.

3 Comments:

  • At Tuesday, October 04, 2005 12:56:00 PM, Blogger GJ said…

    I think I can relate. Lately - I wear the exact same thing every single every day - and it's starting to drive me crazy. And, I've gained some weight - so some of my dressier clothes don't fit. But - I've also found that I feel comfortable with my life and with who I am - so I'm not as driven to look a certain way. Yes - I want new clothes BAD and I'm working on losing some weight so I can wear the clothes I have (since new clothes would require money that I do not have)....I think I just totally went off track from your post and now I have no idea what I'm saying. Oh well - I liked reading your thoughts.

     
  • At Tuesday, October 04, 2005 6:54:00 PM, Blogger mommy zabs said…

    well, i'm stuck with maternity right now :) I have had to lay a lot down in the clothing area because I used to buy a lot of designer and that just can't be my life anymore. But I also know I can't mourn that because I am blessed with so much in my life. But I do love clothes. But I hate feeling like you always have to have the "coolest" sometimes there are people you get around and they seem to always be trying to out-do, i hate that. I like zara a lot to. I didn't discover it till i moved down here. i love the kid clothes. I feel like since having owen and even getting married I sacrafice more and more in the vanity area. I know it is a season, but sometimes I am better with it than other times. I don't have the clothes I used to, or the shoes. I don't get to work out right now... so i'm not body sculpted like i used to. I don't get my hair done every 6 weeks.... oh well. I guess you just go through these seasons and your perspective just has to get adjusted.

    That's just my rant.
    I can totally relate to the things you are saying.
    you aren't crazy.

     
  • At Tuesday, October 04, 2005 6:54:00 PM, Blogger mommy zabs said…

    well, i'm stuck with maternity right now :) I have had to lay a lot down in the clothing area because I used to buy a lot of designer and that just can't be my life anymore. But I also know I can't mourn that because I am blessed with so much in my life. But I do love clothes. But I hate feeling like you always have to have the "coolest" sometimes there are people you get around and they seem to always be trying to out-do, i hate that. I like zara a lot to. I didn't discover it till i moved down here. i love the kid clothes. I feel like since having owen and even getting married I sacrafice more and more in the vanity area. I know it is a season, but sometimes I am better with it than other times. I don't have the clothes I used to, or the shoes. I don't get to work out right now... so i'm not body sculpted like i used to. I don't get my hair done every 6 weeks.... oh well. I guess you just go through these seasons and your perspective just has to get adjusted.

    That's just my rant.
    I can totally relate to the things you are saying.
    you aren't crazy.

     

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