Replaceable

Have you ever felt like you are replaceable?? Whether it is as a friend, sister/brother, daughter/son, client, cousin, employee, etc. Lately, I have felt like I am replaceable. I guess it’s not the most fun place to be. And technically, I know I’m replaceable. I know if I quit today, someone would come in and fill my shoes. Or if I moved across the country, my close friends would find new friends. Not that our friendships would be over…but we wouldn’t have that time with each other as often. Or maybe they would be over. But in one situation in my life…it just makes me sad to think that if I weren’t in the picture…it might be welcomed. And it hurts. Nothing has been said directly…but indirectly. And maybe not intentional…but things that have been said have truly hurt my feelings. And I feel like if I say something…to try and mend what may or may not be broken…it will end effective IMMEDIATELY. And because of that slim possibility (I realize I may be making the situation bigger in my head), I say nothing…and continue to hurt and wonder. But I can’t really take it anymore. In this situation I don’t want to be replaced. I don’t want the relationship to end. But I don’t want to wonder any longer. Days pass, and I sit and wait for the right moment. Many have passed me by I’m sure. And who knows if and or when I will ever say anything. In the meantime…I think about the situation and wonder how it will carry on without me in the picture. Most of the time I think no one will notice I’m not around. Other times I think parties will be thrown and high five’s will be passed. Then I have to stop my mind wandering and think…SURELY NOT! I have a clue of who will “fill my shoes”…and it just makes me hurt worse. And then I have to ask myself…am I making all of this up in my head. And THEN I think I must have serious issues if I have to ask myself that question.