The Inevitable Quest...

A place for me to be me...while searching for who I want to be

Monday, December 05, 2005

The Dumbest thing I ever did...

I was always in good shape growing up. Starting at age 3, it was either Gymnastics, Dance, Waterpolo, Basketball, Soccer, Volleyball, Track, Swimming or Softball. Not to mention a couple of stints in Powder-puff Football. All of this activity allowed me to eat whatever I wanted…whenever I wanted…and how much I wanted. My mom was a home economics major and always had healthy well balanced meals for us. Then I went away to college…continued to eat as much as I did in High School…but wasn’t working out NEARLY as much as I used to. 3 hour sports practices 5 days a week went down to 1 hour dance classes twice a week. So I gained the freshman 15…and sophomore 20. I found myself at a place I had never been. Unhappy about my weight…and wanting to be thin. Pepperdine was an amazing school. But it is in the Heart of Malibu, California…the center of perfection…where everyone looks like a Barbie. These amazingly beautiful women were lusted after on my campus by the hottest guys in the school. I was never given a second glance. I thought I was going to find the man of my dreams in college…and I didn’t ever have a REAL date. Sure I took guys to parties and formals and sorority functions…but they were all just friends. I needed to do something drastic if I was ever going to get noticed. My junior year I tried to be anorexic. I would eat 10 baby carrots and 5 saltine crackers…and that would be my food for the day. I think I made it to about 30 days. I lost weight…but my body went into starvation mode…and you wouldn’t have been able to tell exactly how much I had lost. Then that summer I studied in Florence, Italy, and in our villa we had an Italian chef who made 3-course meals 3 times a day. I wasn’t going to pass that up! I knew I would never have another time in my life eating authentic Italian food. So…I again gained weight.

Then my senior year in college I found the ephedra filled “Metabolife”. This was the biggest mistake of my life!!! I did lose about 10 pounds the first couple of months. I think all in all I probably bought 5 bottles of Metabolife. It made me feel like CRAP. My heart would race, and I would be shaky and jittery, but I didn’t really care. Then I stopped because I just couldn’t take my heart beating so fast. Even when I stopped taking it…I would notice my heart beating weird every now and then. About 2 years later…it woke me up in the middle of the night…and it wouldn’t stop. It’s like it would beat normally for 5 seconds…then skip a beat. Every time it skipped a beat it made me either cough…or take a deep breath. It freaked me out and I didn’t know what to do. I think I worked myself up more just getting anxious that it made it worse. I was finally able to calm down, but knew I needed to go see a doctor…as it was happening more regularly. I was scared…and I stopped working out for fear that something might happen while my heart rate was elevated. After wearing a heart monitor around for a month…the doctor told me that I have a PVC. It’s premature ventricle contractions. My heart beats at a different speed than the valve below my heart pumps. So in order for it to get caught up my heart will skip a beat to catch up to the valve. But I found out that working out is actually a very good thing for my PVC…and as long as I don’t go more than 2 days without working out…I usually never notice any signs of it. The doctor also said it isn’t uncommon to women my age…but there isn’t any medication that treats it. The medication they were using…proved to be fatal. I did talk to my doctor about the Metabolife…and he said there is a good chance that that is what caused my PVC. I couldn’t believe it. Taking a dumb pill to try and lose weight probably caused this. Ever since I have sworn to not take any pill or substance to try and help lose weight. And I am proud to say that when I finally ended up losing my weight…I did it the right way…the old fashioned way…just through diet and exercise. I do love to exercise, but this is just another reason that motivates me.

So this takes me to today. I was lazy this weekend (and it was FREEZING) and I didn’t work out Saturday and Sunday. (I can’t really remember the last time I didn’t work out 2 days in a row.) This morning my heart was bothering me. First thing I got on the treadmill and ran my 2 miles. I felt better…but something was just off kilter. My heart wasn’t settled. It kind of freaks me out…but whenever this happens I just remember Dr. McKechnie telling me that getting anxious just makes it worse…and to stay calm. Luckily it only really bothered me for an hour or so. But it just really terrifies me when this happens. The only thing I can think about is what am I going to do when I am pregnant??? I will run as long as I can…but after that I will just have to get creative to get my heart rate up. But I hear you are so exhausted when you are pregnant…and what if I just can’t work out every day because I’m too sick or tired. I guess there’s no sense in worrying about that now. But it’s something I think about. And it just infuriates me EVERY TIME I see “weight-loss drugs” advertised on TV. I just scream at the TV and tell these people… “Don’t DO IT”. I know weight loss is a big topic in the US these days…but seriously people…if I can convince you of ANYTHING…please don’t take drugs to help make you lose weight. Believe me…you don’t want to end up with a heart problem because of it!

7 Comments:

  • At Tuesday, December 06, 2005 8:38:00 AM, Blogger GJ said…

    That was the one thing I liked about the show Biggest Loser....they lost TONS of weight the right way. Without supplements or surgery or any of that stuff....

     
  • At Tuesday, December 06, 2005 10:32:00 AM, Blogger Karina Bissinger said…

    Not that I would know from experience ...

    think of being pregnant as a season of life. Don't worry so much about your weight and enjoy. You'll lose the weight after the baby is born.

    Thinking of things in terms of seasons helps me deal with it.

     
  • At Tuesday, December 06, 2005 12:01:00 PM, Blogger mommy zabs said…

    From a weigh perspective karina is right, you just gotta give yourself some grace during pregnancy, but not to the extent of over engorging and unhealthy. Dr's these days really encourage pregnant woman to maintain an excersize routine. You should be able to walk even if you are tired, they actually say this can help with your energy level. I don't walk much because the way I'm built i have so many problems with ligament spasms and walking for a extended period of time sparks them. But walking to get your heart rate up should help??? When you get to that bridge you can probalby ask your dr. what other things he would suggest so you can keep you heart in check. :)

     
  • At Tuesday, December 06, 2005 3:40:00 PM, Blogger AJ Fabulous said…

    I appreciate your sweet comments! Although, I must not have explained my fear correctly. I'm not really worried about gaining weight while pregnant...I'm worried about my heart wigging out! Gaining weight WON'T be fun...but will so be worth it. I just can't imagine my heart freaking out on a consistent basis. And hopefully I won't have to worry about it!!! Just something I think about...especially when my heart acts up like it did yesterday.

     
  • At Tuesday, December 06, 2005 10:37:00 PM, Blogger sara said…

    This is a great post...I love the emphasis on being HEALTHY, rather than being thin. It took me a long time to learn that lesson and now that I have, I find I'm much better about my diet, eating good whole foods. Now I actually WANT to exercise, rather than viewing it as a horrible chore.

     
  • At Tuesday, December 20, 2005 1:18:00 AM, Blogger andrea said…

    I've been meaning to comment on this post for a while now. wanted to commend you for being so honest in writing about this... so sorry you've had to experience this. I know it must be a scary thing to deal with. and I feel I need to share my own scary experience with metabolife: I had been taking it for about a month or so (back in 1998, way before we had ava) when I found out I was pregnant. of course, I stopped taking it immediately but never gave it another thought. shortly after, I suffered a miscarriage. both my mom and I have always wondered if the metabolife had anything at all to do with it... miscarriages happen for all sorts of reasons and so I know that it's entirely possible that the metabolife had nothing to do with it... still, I will always wonder. especially when I read stories like yours. wanted to let you know that you're not the only one who made a poor choice... and yeah, those commercials make me mad too. eating right and exercise... it's the only way... when are we (as a culture) ever going to learn this...?

     
  • At Tuesday, December 20, 2005 3:35:00 PM, Blogger AJ Fabulous said…

    Andrea...THANK YOU SO MUCH for the post. I am SO SORRY you had to deal with a miscarriage. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. Like you said...they happen for numerous reasons...but like you I would wonder in the back of my head as well. And there's a chance that metabolife didn't give me the PVC, but it was a wake up call. Our society is so innondated (sp?) with being THIN THIN THIN that we want to take the easy way out. But when it comes to drugs...it is so scary how they can affect your body. I hope that in some small way I can tell people that a healthy diet and exercise is the BEST way to live. I could ramble on so much more about this topic...but thanks so much for sharing! That was very courageous of you!

     

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