Who is AJ Fabulous?

Why do I call myself AJ Fabulous? I mean...it is fun. I guess that's why I do it. My friend called me AJ Fabulous once, and I wanted it to stick SO BAD so that for a split second I could feel FABULOUS. But I don't. There's nothing fabulous about me. And this is not a plea for all of my friends to tell me reasons why they think I am fabulous. I appreciate you thinking that...but it doesn't change the way I feel...and that is not the motivation. I guess I think if I call myself AJ Fabulous people will actually think I have a good self-esteem. The faker rears her ugly head. That's right...I'll admit it...I'm fake...plastic...HOLLOW. A lot of my friends think I have a GREAT life. Which...I guess I do. I mean...I do! I have a great job...the love of a man I don't deserve and an AMAZING family that supports me. But...apparently it isn't enough. I battle with depression...I battle with self-esteem...I battle with self-confidence (that is the newest one). So I resort to calling myself AJ Fabulous. Maybe I should let it go. Maybe this should be the end of the monniker...FABULOUS. But then I should probably stop using the word so much. I can't help it...I like long "F" words. Maybe I should call myself AJ HIDEOUS. That's the way I feel. I don't get off on self-deprication. It scares me. I'm getting too close. So for now...I will hold on to AJ Fabulous. In hopes for a better tomorrow. That makes it sound like I want to change the world...when really I just want to feel better about myself.