Afraid of Me

First I have to start by saying...I am not a fan of reading and writing. Those that know me...already know this. So I don't really know why I am starting a BLOG! I guess it's because I have been very complacent in life. I want that to change. So that means getting out of my comfort zone. Letting my guard down...which I HATE. I'm afraid to let people see the real me. Even my friends. With ALL of my friends I edit what I share with them. Isn't that wrong?!?! With friend X I don't talk about my faith...with friend Y I never talk about my self-image. With friend Z I don't talk about my dreams. WHY IS THAT?? I don't even know. Because I guess I'm afraid of what they will say. Shallow...I know. I'm complacent with shallow friendships. I don't want to hear what they will say. I'm afraid of what they will think about me. I always wonder what they say behind my back...I know they all talk about me. And that's fine. That's life. I'm a great listener...I love to listen. Listening to others problems make me feel more normal. Being a listener makes me forget about me. I'm afraid of me. I'm afraid of hurting people. But I'm tired of being fake. I NEED this outlet. So I apologize to ALL of my friends for not sharing ALL of me. I apologize for what you might find out about me from this website...that I was afraid to tell you in person. I do love you all. I just can't trust. I guess that's because I don't like me...so why would anyone else. I'll just continue to be afraid...wishing I was something else.